Stroppy Old Git

When I get old, I will queue jump,
And stab people’s behinds with my brolly,
I’ll go to the shops at the busiest times,
And I’ll barge everyone with my trolley!

In cafés I’ll suck my food loudly,
Then complain that the food is too hot.
When re-served I’ll say it’s too cold,
And it tastes like a heap of old snot!

In the library I’ll cough really loudly,
At least every second or two.
I’ll dog-ear the books I get out,
And stick all the end pages with glue!

I’ll get on the buses quite early
And abuse the school kids with glee.
Then I’ll stick gum on the bus seats,
And profusely deny it was me.

I’ll donate horror books to my dentist
To leave in the waiting room,
To gain a weird satisfaction
Of increasing those poor patients’ gloom.

I’ll remove my teeth for my grand kids
Scaring them till they weep.
And sing them a lullaby croakily till
They beg ‘Stop, please let us sleep!’

I’ll stand on a corner on Sundays
And ‘moon’ to all cars passing by
And if anyone gives out an ‘offer’
I’ll pretend that I’m really too shy.

I’m twenty now, so a whole life ahead,
I’ll have to wait for a bit…
But one day I’ll achieve my ambition,
And be a real Stroppy Old Git!