The Lady Contortionist

I once knew a lady contortionist
Who got stiffer as she got older.
She got locked in position
And called a physician
As she could only look over her shoulder.

Her legs were akimbo, disjointed
Her arms bade her body goodbye.
Her nose squashed right in
To the dent of her chin,
And her vision was lost in one eye!

Her stomach found refuge in quite a strange place
Not telling you exactly where.
But suffice to say,
She quite rued the day
That she’d failed to remove all the hair!

Her lungs soon collapsed in submission
And breathing became quite a chore.
And I know it’s far-fetched
But her buttocks had stretched
And draped messily on the floor!

Her doctor called in a Knot Expert
Who examined her body with pity.
His brain then he wracked
But restored her intact,
Apart from her tattooed left titty!